... Well, I'm not really GOING, per se, either...
I don't know if any of you remember or cared or still care, but about almost 2 months ago I claimed to have submitted a little somethin somethin to the Nickelodeon Animation Festival 2009. Well uhh... yeah, it did involve strangling, and yeah strangling doesn't seem to be Nickelodeon's way as many people warned me. So naturally, we should all just abandon all hope on that....... and the abandoning of all hope eeeends... NOW. Why do that? Two words: Grand Prize, faggots. Grand. Prize.

I uploaded a higher quality, longer version of it on Newgrounds for you my newgrounds pals, no matter how useless and annoying you all are! As you can tell, the VA auditions I posted some time ago resulted in General-Ivan being the Chosen One. What a swell fella!

Sorry it's less than a minute, but that's all I had. Thanks for contributing to the revival of 2D animation!

Also, I must add that LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I GOT DA!LY 1ST N EGORAPTOR GOT DIALY 2ND LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OMGOMG MY NEWGROUNDS AWARDS R BETTER THEN URZ!!! (This sentence is purely satirical. All comments towards the deity known as "Egoraptor" are purely for comical purposes. The author of this news post apologizes if this sentence offends any religions or creeds. Please do not hack this account, send hate mail, or take part in any sort of malicious action in regards to this sentence.)

Yeah, forceful title. But, I'm ok with it. I hope I got your attention.
EDIT: pretend the title also has the words "[...] PLUS HENTAI" in it.

I'll save everyone the chit chat about a chick's penis, or a bunch of links to gay youtube videos that have nothing to do with the title, or "newgrounds user that no one knows is leaving newgrounds". Let's for once talk about what the title of a post on the front page says: VOICE ACTING! And this time for Nickelodeon!

Nicktoons network is holding the Nickelodeon Animation Festival 2009, and like nuts I have the time to actually finish something longer than 20 seconds that will most likely lose against some Asian 23-year-old Animation student with a minor in Visual Effects. So good thing that this year they have the "15 Seconds to Fame" contest section, which is a 15 second animation of a funny gag.

Since this is only 15 seconds that I'm given, I want it to be the juiciest, tastiest, cuddliest, boobiest 15 seconds of the judges' lives. And this is going to Nickelodeon and has a chance to be shown on TV. So if you're gonna audition, give it your all! Plus I don't wanna lose to the fucking Asian guy like always. VOICE ACTING POST, GO:

Parts: 2 males; man and alligator.
[story story story story...] then man gets in his car and starts getting ready to leave. Then in the back seat, an alligator peeks up quickly and strangles the man with a rope while yelling at him.
ALLIGATOR: I warned you man! I warned you!! I have a very specific diet!!... Don't make me come back here again.
Man stays in the car crying after just being strangled.

The man doesn't have any lines, but he is more challenging (for you professional yous!). What I need for the man is sound effects of him being strangled, varying from coughing, gagging, grunting, not being able to breathe, etc. (all while strangled). I also need the sound effects of him crying with trauma in the fetal position in his car just after being strangled.

Everything is due on Sept. 8th. So DO NOT send this on like Sept. 7th or even Aug. 30th. Send as quickly as you can so we can work with it if we have to. This is for Nickelodeon, so I think it's serious this time, man. Give 'em (me) hell, guys.

Oh yeah, I forgot. You can send your stuff to pigeongrenade@gmail.com. If you already sent it some other way, its fine. I will find it. No child left behind.

Screenshots:
1. Swf
2.

First of all, you guys... it's hard to type out a yelling version of the word "assemble". It looks like "assembl-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee", and it's suppose to sound like "assemb-ooooooooooool". Just to clear everything up, the word is "assemble". ActionScript 3.0 coders, assemble.

Now, if you were illiterate 10 seconds ago and did not read the title or the first part, I need help with some akshunskript tre point oh. Everyone should be familiar with the Vcam by now, right? Well, that junk is sooooooooooooooo 2.0!! We're into the 3.0 now, grandpa! We have Vcam AS3! Psha! Like, ever heard of it?!

Anyway, Vcam AS2 is great and all, but AS2 wont let me make the Vcam into another movieclip and whatnot to make it shake. Vcam AS3 will let me do that, which is solves a lot of my problems, but it wont let me have my navigation bar. If you have seen any of my animations, you will see I always use the same navigation bar which is handy both for me and youse guys ;). The problem is that the AS2 on the navigation bar wont work on AS3.

My query: Does anyone know of or have a navigation bar in AS3? OR does anyone have a Vcam that can be put inside another movieclip in AS2?

So who's gonna the first assface to say "google.com, noob"? And who's gonna be the first one to say "google.com, noob" just because I made mention of it?

(Screenshot of what I'm working on. Perhaps this can result as a non-sexual payment, or at least trigger some curiosity if anything):

Hiya pals,

Don't if ya heard, but there's this nifty Power of Three deal goin' down in the hizzy for shizzy. I've done a couple handfuls of animation (plus some) in my days, but I have never (and always wanted to) make a flash game. Since I am actionscript illiterate, I would choose to take the part of artist/animator. What I'm trying to say is: if anyone is here is a programmer (with a good reputation and good skillz), and wants to take part of this Power of Three and needs an artist... I am open.

For a "resume" of sorts, I suppose you can look at the Flash section of my user page or check out my PEACHY KEEN DEMO REEL. It's short, its fun, its full of new stuff you havent seen before, AND it's organic, ladies.

I can crank out art, animations, and concepts like a mofo on Flash.

Plus, I was just watching MVP: Most Valuable Primate on CN. It's about a chimp that helps a little boy win the snowboarding competition by going down the Doom Drop. Now you know I don't fuck around.

I understand that many of you are young aspiring artists, full of hope and potential of what you can one day become. Which is why I am here to tell you, STOP IT. Just STOP IT. This life of applying for internships and "having hopes" and "dreams" and "aspirations" aren't all the glitz and glamor you see on TV. It's a dark cruel world out there, full of Microsoft Word documents in Times New Roman font and a dash of disappointment. This has been the worst month of my life. Or maybe my birthday-bad-luck just lasted all month long and is still going. This month I applied for Nickelodeon Studios, Cartoon Network, Pixar, and Radical Axis (y'know, at least 1 of those still do animations I think). Internship deadlines were on April 17th.

Since March I've been waiting for April to end, but unfortunately it's still the 28th. I had a break on stress on the 14th, but I was foolish to think that it was over.

OH... it was far from over... what a genius plot this was...

SO I WROTE A COMIC ABOUT IT!!!

You can read it here! Or just go here http://www.pigeongrenade.com/toons/ext ras/TWGFAOH.jpg

Its a long comic, but a short read. Basically a summary of the KEY POINTS of my bad luck (not including awful housing assignment for the next year, broken toes, traffic school, etc.).
--------------------------------------
--------------------------
Dimensions: 720 pixels x 11848 pixels OR 7.5 inches x 123.4 inches. Aah? You hear that ladies?? Think about it. Tell your friends. I'm lonely. I wrote a damn comic.

Perhaps this is a sign that Newgrounds is getting more renown, but since when do we get spam mail on our PMs?!? I like my penis enhancements and Michelle Obama naked pictures sent directly to my business email address. This is what I got from Summer6rx, just 2 days after he/she created his/hers account:

Hiya!

I waz browsin through for people near me, and I stumbled on your profile. You give me the impression that you're a very fascinating dude, but I'm quite new at this sorta thing, & dont really know what's with this site. Can't they have a chat here?? Well, I don't like sending msgs 2 ppl, & maybe never getting anything back! Well, if you want to chatting with me, you could find me over @ date-centrale.org?id=3590 , my name there is feistysweetie.

So, ya, maybe I'll see you. always looking to meet more ppl.
Daniela Coleman

Clearly because there is a picture of a girl on the profile means I totally fell for it. Even though this is clearly a middle-aged person's handwriting using "&" and "@" and "fascinating dude", I am gonna deny all of those facts and go ahead and fall for this dangerous scheme because girls do just go out and find you because they are soooooo interested.
Just kidding, by the way. Everyone knows that girls aren't interested in guys and they certainly don't go out looking for them.

Also, Blue Screen of Death happened to me... I had to reformat my computer and I lost a lot of stuff... I guess it'll be an even longer while until I come out with something new, sorry... In the meanwhile though, you can watch something that I WAS able to finish. It's called a DEMO REEL!...

from your fascinating dude,
Henry J

Yeah, ok, great, I submitted something for the Holiday 2008 thing. Like you've never heard that 300 times already...
I gots me the second place with Life of a Xmas Present in 2006, so why not try again?... Also, I couldnt get a job this holiday break, so lets see if Flash can make me a semi-living.

I probably made it sound like this new movie is worthless nonsense that I whipped up from under the carpet so I mayber perhaps possibly probably-not make a quick buck. I worked hard on this and its not jam-packed with boring tweens. I went to art college for a year, so I know EVERYTHING.

Movie is here:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
476151

Screenshot is here:

Youse guyz should go check out MGS: Flash Collab DISC 02, which I apparently was aware that I co-authored. So hop into your PJs and pop in MGS: Flash Collab, an animated collab which I apparently co-authored in?... Seriously?... You sure?

If you are or are not familiar with my movies, you should go see them one more time. But this time it is for science. I have the habit of always having subtitles with no subtitle ON/OFF switch. So basically I want to hear from YOU (the pretty one) if I should continue to have subtitles or not.

Also, I am aware that I JUST mentioned an ON/OFF switch for the subtitles. Fact of the matter is that I am a ripe virgin in the ways of actionscript. I posted a question about it on the BBS and got no response.

So... should I keep subtitles, forget them completely, or can someone figure out this ON/OFF issue?

**iPod is actually imaginary, therefore iPod is naked chicks. The iPod is naked chicks, therefore I dont have them, therefore they are .jpegs.

Many of you are only NOW responding to my last post which how I needed voice actors. "NEEDED" voice actors. Not many answered my plea for voice actors when I needed it for Interplanetary Exchange Student, so I'm assuming that the mass of messages and emails came from when people watched Interplanetary Exchange Student, saw my user page, read my last news post, didnt read the date marked on it, and replied. The question I ask... no, the question you should ask yourself is: "Why would anyone need voices for the animation that is already done?"

Its all a matter of common sense. So let's review:
1. Animation in progress, voice actors needed.
2. News post made on JUNE 25th regarding voice actors; Little response.
3. Animation completed and submitted on JULY 31st.
4. Voice acting post responses overflood - leaving thousands dead on AUGUST 1st.

I urge all Newgrounders... please read the date of posts when going on someone's profile page. It makes all the difference. I don't like to be mean, but sometimes you have to.

Thank you.
This post was made on Aug. 3rd, 2008, by the way.